Josh Vs. Austin (not his roommate; the city)

My groin hurts.

Bad.

And it's all Katie Stephens' fault.

But forgivable since Austin, as is usually recognized by the college crowd, is a pretty damn fine city. In case you guys wondered where the fuck I was, or why I did not participate in the discussions of disgusting movies (which is perhaps my most favorite of pastimes), this is what I did, where I was--the whole shebang(s).

Recap:

Friday

On Friday, Katie and Josh leave Houston approximately 5:15 after Katie visits an ungodly horror dragged up from the murky depths by Poseidon himself--the Houston area Tuna Festival. Many fish/merpeople were seen, and obscenely thick grilled tuna steaks were given to the ravenous crowd. Traffic remained light, funny roadtalk ensued, and revelations were given to those willing to accept them. Example:

Josh: Man...that period where Jesse liked you and wanted to go out with you--that was funny...

Katie: Jesse wanted to go out with me?

Josh: Uh, yeah. Jesse doesn't play Yahtzee! Board games have no controllers, no pretty particle effects, no hot, curvaceous, mace-wielding women! Of course he did!

Katie: I guess you're right.

We arrived around 9 o'clock to Dane's awesome house in the middle of Austin's hill country. Yes, before you ask, he has a pool and a giant second-story patio that both overlook the greenery below. Very cool! That night after a bit of melodrama with his little sister who can't go anywhere in Austin because of new, devilishly Draconian (couldn't avoid the alliteration--sorry) laws which essentially bump up age limits everywhere, we managed to go to Mozart's--a fairly cool little coffeehouse that had live blues players. Not too bad. It was a start. After that, though, we were all too tired and then proceeded to rent Mystic River, which we all managed to fall asleep in the middle of...

END OF DAY 1

Saturday

Woke up late and went to pick up Jason Siu at his apartment on Riverside (which is supposedly near campus, but on a busy day I couldn't even imagine how long it would take to make the commute--even on a huge, angry shuttle bus). This done, we headed downtown to eat and then made our way toward Pace Bend Park.

Aside: Pace Bend Park is quite possibly the coolest place I've ever been in my life. Reason? Certainly not the fact that it's a cool park...no, it's a little above average. But, the town directly before arriving at Pace Bend is named "Bee Caves". BEE CAVES! If that isn't the greatest name you've ever heard then I'm really sorry for you, because it is. You just don't know it.

Pace Bend was a lot of fun; Dane joined Jason, Katie and I later, around dinnertime (which was provided, in part, by these cool rednecky people next to us whose son was going to Iraq next week--poor guy...Vote Kerry!) Anyway, we played around there, scurrying from rock to rock like fruity little river nymphs until we got tired of it, and then went to a barbecue place named "County Line" for dinner. Decent, if not a little overpriced. Then we went to Spiderman 2, which in my opinion was a good movie that got too much credit. Like our current president. It did some things right, but it was dragged so far down by the silly things and the inconsistencies that there's just better superhero movies out there to see (a la X-Men 2). After that, sleep. This time on an air mattress instead of a couch. Slight move upward in the grand scheme, but not much of one.

Sunday

Ah! Sunday morning and I'm feeling fresh and ready to take on the world. Good thing, too. Go to visit Dane for lunch near REI (Whole Foods), and then went to go biking around Austin. PROBLEM!

Katie only had one bike, and we consisted of Josh+Jason+Katies=3 people. Dane's parents, however, saved the day and provided us with two more bikes (although Jason's was inarguably fruity and 70's. Nice bike, just needed a paint job that wasn't pale blue with accents of electric yellow). The rest of the day was spent riding all around Austin: we rode all of UT and its environs, the capital, the river--you name it, we rode it. And so my crotch hurts so bad now that it's not even laughable. Laugh and I'll kick your ass. Strike that. I'll stumble toward you, swinging with one hand and holding my sack lovingly with the other. Eventually we met up with Dane once again and hit Zilker Park to see the fireworks along with 199,996 more predicted attendees. Yeah, it was crowded.

Problem was, the only real way to get there was to ride Municipal shuttles, of which there really weren't enough. This made for an interesting trip back. A bit of information before I tell you this next part: The shuttles come to pick you up underneath one of Austin's larger roadways--Loop 1, or "Mopac" as it's apparently called. The only way to get under Mopac and to the pickup area was to cross a ridiculously long, slender, sad little bridge, which 200,000 people were all attempting simultaneously. It was quite a sight, and I'm pretty sure this is what the Apocalypse will look like. Multitudes of people, humbly shuffling through dense fog in the dead of night, only to reach the blinding light at the end of the bridge in order to be judged by the Big Guy himself. Luckily I now know that there's plenty of time to repent--we went to see the show at 8:30 and didn't get back until 11:00.

Still had to take Jason home and then drop the bikes off at Dane's. Then Katie and I hit the road again. Sad, tired, and caked with a fine melange of sweat and sunscreen we headed off. Until...

Katie: Oh, my God...

Josh (groggily moving head and looking up): What?

Katie: Josh. We're in Bee Caves.

Josh: That means...

Both: We're going the wrong way!

Tires screech as car whips around; a hazy whirl of dust settles behind the car.


Eventually we made it all the way to Houston. When I woke up this morning (2 o'clock) it was raining.